VersiAsbestos
"Incredible side effects at low prices!"
Come visit us today! We know you'll die love it here.
Welcome to VersiAsbestos.
We're glad you're here, we just want your arbitration.
Who We Are
We're a booming start-up white powder chain based in central Russia, with new locations popping up all over the globe! Here at VersiAsbestos, customer satisfiaction is our absolute top priority. We take pride in the fact that we don't go a single day without receiving positive customer feedback or lawsuits about our business. Consistency is key after all, and here at VersiAsbestos, visiting us is always a tremendous, life-altering experience, every single time.
Click here to learn more.
Sniff At VersiAsbestos
Hungry? Blow down on poisonous powders!
Our white powsers are freshly manufactured and always made with the highest quality chemicals, so you'll always feel like Walter White afterwards, no matter what you order.
So what are you waiting for? Try VersiAsbestos' powders today! What's the worst that could go wrong?
View MenuVersiAsbestos' Meal Deals
Love spending less money? Try our sniff deals!
Not only do you get more sniffs for a lower price, but we also send out yearly VersiAsbestos coupons, all for the extremely tiny fee of $500.
So give our sniff deals a shot! We can guarentee that it's definitely not a scam!
View DealsWork At VersiAsbestos
Need a job? We're hiring skilled slave labor!
If you're currently looking for a unsafe job position that pays slightly more than ditch digging, then look no further than VersiAsbestos! Apply today, and gain an terrific, life-altering employment experience that will make slave labor feel like an entry-level position.
We officially and legally promise that you'll never be able to work again after 3 years of inhaling chemicals.
Apply NowHow We Operate
We treat operations here at VersiAsbestos like a totally legit operation. Not only are we always staffed and supplied, we also operate in a timely manner (and the fast type). We're proud to say that we are the fastest* operating white powder chain in the entire country, which is completely true for the type of market we're in! We hope you enjoy waiting around for seconds just for a sniff, because our employees work at the fastest* pace possible. After visiting our establishment, government-run insurance offices will give you literal whiplash.
Click here to learn more.
Contact VersiAsbestos
All of our staff are paper-preservist certified.
Customer Complaints
Happy with your VersiAsbestos experience? Get in line!
Satisfied with your experience at VersiAsbestos? Dealing with lung cancer or other chronic/severe health conditions after sniffing way too much asbestos poweder? Just hate our establishment with a burning passion and want to commit Sabrina on our property?
File a customer complaint with VersiAsbestos today! It's not going to accomplish literally anything, as we're not even going to bother reading it, but at least it'll make you feel slightly better!
Click here to file a complaint.
Health & Nutrition
Our white powders are always the highest quality possible.
Nutrition Facts
What's in our white powder? Find out!
We know you take health seriously. That's why we've correctly listed 90 percent of all chemicals for every white powder item on our menu, so you'll never really know what you're actually eating. Plus, since we know you don't have the time to read through each item and definitely do have the required knowledge to understand what's healthy and what's literal poison, we've taken the liberty of only providing the most significant ingredients and obscuring everything else behind a paywall.
We know you'll love* us after finding out what's really in your asbestos, so that's why we're charging you for it!
Learn MoreLegal Nonsense
We've placed all our legal stuff at the bottom of the page so you will read it.
Company Disclaimer
Don't read or else you might die from shock. No, we're not kidding.
VersiAsbestos is not responsible for any chronic conditions or bodily injuries that may result from consumption of sold food items, because we aren't responsible for any stupidity or blatant incompetence committed by our mentally insane customers. VersiAsbestos is not required to provide any form of medical treatment, assistance, or aid upon any form of medical event or outburst; including but not limited to: stroke, heart attack, diabetes, hypertension, explosive diarrhea, heart disease, paralysis, asphyxiation, chronic implosion, hyperthermia, or death. VersiAsbestos is required to always provide the best customer experience possible, no matter the circumstances. All employees and staff are required to be as cheerful, useful, and experienced as possible in order to ensure customers almost never come back. VersiAsbestos is not responsible for ...
View the full company disclaimer here.
Corporate Health Policy
Don't want to get poisoned? Start reading!
At VersiAsbestos, we always* follow health codes except our own (don't tell the FDA). You can rest unassured knowing that our asbestos is always manufactured in the most unsanitary conditions possible, and are never inspected prior to being served. Our employees always* wash their hands, manufacturing areas, or cooking utensils; so if you piss one of them off, we're not liable for anything they might consider doing to your order.
View our Corporate Health Policy here.